HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I love having hate sex.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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