I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so that wasnt chicken after all
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
