Hey man sorry I got all grabby
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
