Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
