I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
