I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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