my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
