Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
