But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
