I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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