Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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