Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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