Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
