Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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