I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
