She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
