Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
