she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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