My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
