i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
