ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
