nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
