Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
