I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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