So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
