While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
