Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
