Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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