tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
