Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
