The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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