So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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