I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
