we have officially lost it.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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