so explain again why im purple
no
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
