Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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