Betty ford says i'm here all night
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
