exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
