wrigley field is MILF paradise
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
