I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
