We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
