She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
