Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
