She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
