i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
