What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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