saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
