If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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