Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
