Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
