Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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