just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
