And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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