The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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